During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there
was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and
slaughtered 1.6 million cows. How come the government never does anything like
this with lawyers? -- P.J. O'Rourke
Lawyers occasionally stumble over the truth, but
most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.-
Winston Churchill
Q: Why did New Jersey
get all the toxic waste and California
all the lawyers?
A:New Jersey got to pick first.
A:
Q. How many personal
injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many can you afford?
A. Three - one to turn the bulb, one to shake him
off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company
Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.
A. His lips are moving.
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
http://www.ahajokes.com/law001.html
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is
well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Lawyer.htm
Bad Reputation
Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.
People Drowning
If a lawyer and anIRS agent were both
drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read
the paper?
Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.
People Drowning
If a lawyer and an
A doctor and a
lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man
who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical
advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the
situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such
advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor
arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That
afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher
called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my
butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer
replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."
A few days later the butcher
received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that
read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .
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