EOC WEEK 10: Lawyer Jokes

http://www.iciclesoftware.com/LawJokes/IcicleLawJokes.html:

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers? -- P.J. O'Rourke

Lawyers occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.- Winston Churchill

Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
A: New Jersey got to pick first.

http://brainden.com/lawyer-jokes.htm

Q. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

            A. How many can you afford?

A. Three - one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company

Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

http://www.ahajokes.com/law001.html

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Lawyer.htm

Bad Reputation
Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.

People Drowning
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

http://www.workjoke.com/lawyers-jokes.html

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"

"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.

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A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .